After almost 5 amazing years, I'M BAAACK!!!
WOW!! From 2011 until now, my life has truly been a journey. I stopped blogging in 2012 to focus more on the ministry God called me to.
Well, I have changed the name of this blog to "A Personal Retreat". As most of you know, or if you are a new reader, I spoke out about my sister and I being sexually abused at the ages of 3 and 4. I blogged about it for a few months, and then God took me on another journey. Since that time, I began Moving4ward Ministries, hosted 4 run/walks in St. Louis, MO for Sexually Assault Awareness Month, in April, and met so many amazing survivors. This journey has truly been a blessing, not only to my life but to the life of others.
Why did I change the name to A Personal Retreat? Great question! Since I have been on this journey, the biggest thing I've learned is that in order to heal and truly want change, the focus has to be you changing within and not focusing on others. When I began Moving4ward Ministries, I was on fire! I was ready to take the world by storm. I was excited and ready to work. And we were working, facilitating support groups, having events, meetings, and so forth. Well as time went by, God began to arrest my attention again, and he had me go on a date with just Him and me. I had an amazing time at the Missouri Botanical Garden, and the History Museum. God showed me so much about myself, and going to the next level. You can't take the old into the new! It was great and I came back ready to work again. Even though I had a great awakening, there was still something that God had to work out of me. Fast forward about a year, and I had to learn one of the biggest lessons. The true lesson of forgiveness and moving forward.
After 5 years of telling my story, facilitating groups, hosting walks, and speaking with survivors individually, the time came that I had to face my past. I had encouraged so may survivors to walk in forgiveness. "Forgiveness is a must", I would tell many people, but was I truly walking in forgiveness myself? As the time got closer, and I would have to see my past for the first time since I told the world, I was becoming anxious. I remembered why God called me to become the voice of sexual abuse. There are many men and women that have yet to face this issue, and they just need someone to let them know that they can heal and can move forward. So when the time came for my test, God showed me something so profound. When the ministry began, it was started out of anger! I was angry from being lied on, angry for so many others that have to heal from something someone else did to them, angry that sexual abuse is taboo and no one wants to talk about it, and so on. But the one question God asked me was that now that I realized it started with anger, will I continue the ministry once I have truly forgiven, and begin to move forward in love? Whoa! See, it's easy to go forth because of anger, it gets you fueled. Now anger is not a sin, it is an emotion and is needed sometimes when we're angry about the right things, and want to create change. The problem is that we want to stay in that angry place, and that is when the issues begin. When I finally faced my past, I really wanted an apology so that I could forgive and everything will be all good. But of course to my disappointment, that did not happen.
Decision time was here. Since I realized that I may never get an apology, and it may always be said that my sister and I lied, how was I going to handle it? Here's the answer to myself. I don't have to continue to prove what happen to us, and I must accept an apology that I'll never get. I have to walk in TRUE forgiveness, and turn that anger into love. How is that even possible? Glad you asked. Once I realized that truth, the weight of the world was off my shoulders. I was free. This is my story, and my voice has a right to be heard! I cannot continue to worry about who believes me or who doesn't. I'm on an assignment from God. And that is to let other survivors know that you can speak up and tell somebody, you can heal from your emotions including anger, and you can move forward in love. I don't wish any harm on the person that abused me. My prayer is that they truly repent and get it right with God, even if they never admit to meet what they've done.
To my survivors, it's time for you to take that much needed personal retreat with God. You cannot continue to live in that angry, shameful, guilt filled, painful place. It's time to truly heal and become whole. And I am here to tell you that it is possible, but it must take work on your part! You have purpose, but the enemy's job is to steal your purpose so that you can stay in bondage and not help others with your story. Don't let him! You win! I would be lying if I said healing feels great, because the truth is, it can be painful, but it can be done. And in the end you will be grateful.
Going forward, this blog will discuss dealing with internal issues, facing your past, overcoming the lies of the enemy, and learning to love yourself to become whole again. I will give you tools, and ways to begin to move forward. I'm excited about this blog, and will be adding a podcast as well. Thank you for reading and I'm looking forward to talking to you more! Feel free to comment, and subscribe to this page. I am also on Facebook and Twitter, look up Dionna Buford-Latimer, or just Dionna Buford! We'll talk again soon!
