YOUR FEELINGS MATTER!

I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about this week.  There have been so many things bothering me, and weighing heavy on my heart.  Since I have come forward with my truth, almost everyday I hear a new story.  It's not so much the stories that bother me, it's the people in the stories that are around the victims.  Like I continue to say, I am not any kind of therapist, I am just someone who wants to bring awareness to a horrific act.

It's bad enough anyone has to go through being molested or raped, but then to have selfish supporters is even worse.  I find that in the black community, talking about household issues outside of the home is forbidden.  As children we are taught to keep "home business" at home.  The problem comes in when the issues in the home are causing issues in the world.   As a child carrying around memories of the being raped, I can honestly say that it did not torment me in ways that I'm sure it could have.  Of course I remembered, but didn't really focus on it too much.  I made friends easily, had good grades, got along with my sister, respected adults, and never got into trouble.  So when anyone looked at me they saw a good kid.  No one would have ever suspected the unthinkable.  I truly give all credit to my Heavenly Father for protecting my mental state.  Even though my sister and I turned out fine, as well as many others I'm sure, this is not the case for everyone.  I met a wonderful Women of God this week, and she was talking to me about her ministry.  She told me that she ministers to women who are alcoholics and drug addicts.  Though they are in an addictive state and need assistance in that area, that is not the major problem.  They use drugs and alcohol to escape pains of their past.  A lot of times when we see people, we judge them for what they look like, or how they act.  The truth is we have no idea what they have been through.  Society deals with the right now issue, but what about the root of the problem?  What about that girl that had to endure her father coming into her bedroom every night?  What about that little boy that was taken into the shower by his cousin?  What about the child that was told if you don't let me do this to you, I'll do it to your sister, or your brother?  People, as disturbing as this may sound, there are children that are living this.  And although this angers me to the core, I think I really get angry at the people that have the nerve to tell these people to forget about it and move on with their life.  How dare somebody say that!!  They have every right to heal, and you just left them with no hope!

I strongly believe that the reason family members, friends, and sometimes church leaders tell these people to move on with life, is not for the benefit of the victims, but their own selfishness.  The truth always require people to do a self examination, and no one likes looking in the mirror.  The reason these victims are talking to you is because they are looking for answers.  They are scared to tell family members.  They are scared to tell spouses.  So they go to people who are close to them, to be let down once again.  If it sounds like I'm upset I am.  I didn't experience the rejection by my mother, or other close family and friends, but I don't know what I would have done, or how I would have felt if I did.

A message to those of you that are not victims of sexual abuse, but have friends and family that are, just listen to them.  Speaking from my own experiences, I need people to talk to sometimes.  I kept silent for so long, now that it has been released I just have to get it out.  I understand that this subject is considered taboo, and is very disturbing, but they need you.  Someone took their innocence away from them.  I understand that this is a very difficult topic.  When God gave me this assignment, I did not want to do it at first.  I'm always upbeat and cheerful.  I love being around people and laughing with them, and this is not making anybody laugh.  But I do understand the importance of bringing the awareness.

To all the victims or survivors.  First I want to point out something.  If you notice, I always reference victims and survivors separately.  There is a reason I do that.  The word victim means a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action.  The word survivor means a person who copes with a bad situation or affliction, and who gets through.  I was a victim for over 30 years.  I was silent, scared to speak and just suffering.  The moment I obeyed God's voice, and spoke up was the moment I became victorious!  Do you want to remain a victim, and continue with the wonders and the worries?  Wondering about what you should do?  Worrying about who you should tell?  The only person that is holding you back from becoming victorious is you.  Your abuser has moved on with their lives, and left you with the scars, and still controlling you.  God does not want you to be a slave to your abuser. If this was not true He would have not sent His only Son to the cross for you.  Jesus died and took all of our sins, hurt, pain, and sicknesses with Him so that we may have victory over every area of our lives.  You have the right to receive your healing even if you think you don't need it.  Sometimes it's hard for me to say these things, because it has not even been 6 months since I have come forward.  But I get it now!  I'm free, and now I want to share that freedom with you.  God loves you so much and He would never want to leave you in the dark.  Your voice has a right to be heard, and don't let anyone tell you differently!!  Your feelings matter!

I love you all and will talk to you next Thursday.  Have a wonderful week!!