FEAR

Why didn't you tell me?  Why didn't you tell your mom?  Did he threaten you?  I don't understand why you waited so long.  If it happened then, why didn't you say something at the time?  Why are you trying to ruin his life?  Why, why, why???  So many questions as to why victims will not speak up, why they are just now speaking up, or why they are speaking up at all.  I can go down a list of reasons why victims won't talk about their abuse.  I can speculate due to their circumstances.  I can even make up something because it sounds good.  But the truth of the matter, there is one main reason why sexual abuse is so often kept silent.  That reason is fear.

Because I still hear the "whys" about abuse, I decided to study the word fear to see if it can shine some light on many of the questions that I have been asked.  Of course there are several meanings, but there was one sentence I read that really hit home for me on Wikipedia.  It said that fear is frequently related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance.  As soon as I read that, I thought that is it!  At least for me anyway.  I remember several times I wanted to tell somebody, but as soon as I thought about the outcome of what I assumed would happen, I'd change my mind.  I didn't feel like dealing with it so I put it out of my mind.   I figured I'd deal with it later, the next day, or even the next week.  I didn't want to deal with the funny looks, or the sad faces, or even the tears.  I didn't want anyone looking at me with pity, or like I was now a charity case.  I felt I was strong, I didn't need all those tears and all those emotions.  I wanted to just tell it and wanted everybody else to just move on.  But if I was that strong, why did I allow fear to control me for so long??  Another why question, but this was now one that I was asking myself.

A lot of times when we are scared we scream, run away from something, cry, or even fight.  We tend to think that when we are in fear, we do something vocal or physical to defend ourselves.  But sometimes that defense is silence.  Fear is very powerful, and can bound someone for a lifetime.  Think about people that have different phobias.  I am just so glad that I was able to escape the stronghold that fear had over me.  I didn't even know that was the case until I became free.  In my case, I was not scared of my abuser.  I want people to know that, because it's not always the fear of them hurting you or anyone you know.  I know in some situations, the victim can be threatened, but not in every case.  My fear was more about the affect this would have on my family.  My fear was for their emotional protection and not my own.  So parents, please talk to your children and instill in them that it is okay for them to talk to you about anything.  We think we know everything about our children, but sometimes we don't know enough.  Don't be afraid to ask those questions.  Sometimes you have to be the voice that your children don't have.

I want to encourage any of my readers that are shaking in their boots, or have knots in their bellies.  It is normal to be scared, but I pray that the day will come that you can look back and wonder why you had such fear.  The Word tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.  It is now time that you allow God to help you to take back your power, and take control of your life.  I am now able to speak to others to offer words of  encouragement, and you can do the same.  If I had continued to let fear rule me, I wouldn't be writing this blog today to speak to you.  Now that I look back I was being selfish.  I was only thinking of me and not you.  God can use anything in your life that the devil meant for evil, and turn it around to work for your good.  In the words of Kirk Franklin, "sorry fear, Grace took your place."

Have a wonderful week, I will talk to you next Thursday!

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